If you saw the naming of the US Olympic Women’s Ice Hockey team during the NHL’s Winter Classic on New Year’s Day, you probably thought, hey, how did that Chinese girl get on the team with all those Nordic chicks? Now, we say that with no disrespect for Julie Chu, because she’s one helluva player, but visually, she does kind of stick out. But Team USA wasn’t assembled with looks in mind. No, hidden beneath their cute USA mittens were some bloody knuckles. These girls know how to put on the foil. This team was assembled with one purpose in mind: to give those Canadian bee-yatches a taste of the ol’ salmon.
Fighting isn’t a part of women’s hockey. Hell, CHECKING isn’t a part of women’s hockey. But that hasn’t stopped recent games between the American and Canadian skaters from resembling good old fashioned roller derby. You know how in soccer they play “friendlies”? Here’s an October friendly between the two teams.
It probably didn’t help that as the fight raged, the arena’s witty sound man began playing the theme from “Rocky.” Read More →
Hockey jerseys (“sweaters,” for our Canadian friends) are, in general, the most awesome sports gear there is, with the notable and obvious exception of baseball caps (which aren’t even really unique to baseball anymore). Hockey jerseys are definitely the least ridiculous of all the gear of the four major sports—they don’t look like pajamas (baseball), camping tents (football), or Wal-Mart shopping attire (basketball).
That said, if there’s one thing the Dallas Stars’ new gear makes me think, it’s that their mascot should be a venti iced peppermint mocha. A cartoon one, wearing ice skates. Or maybe a barista (again, a cartoon one, in ice skates). What I’m saying is that Dallas Stars’ new logo, especially their secondary logo pictured here, looks like the Starbucks logo.
The Stars unveiled their new logo recently after the team’s marketing agency discovered Adobe Illustrator’s beveling feature. (“Hey, graphic design guy, I want you to bevel the holy bejeezus out of this logo, okay? Bevel like you’ve never beveled before!” “Uh, okay, sir, but they say that ‘flat design’ is really the thing these days…” “Don’t talk back to me, you punk! This franchise did not spend more than $800 on the Adobe Creative Suite to have a logo that was not beveled. NOW BEVEL!!!”)
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I’m from Detroit. And last night was difficult (and not just because I had a car wreck an hour before opening face-off). But my little sister — who’s not even a hockey fan — sent me this from Buzzfeed. I like my sister more now. Win or lose, here are some examples of fans that just cannot be beaten. Unless you count getting kicked out for smuggling in an octopus as getting beat. Then maybe.
They start young. And play favorites.
They start young. And show no mercy.
Dear Maple Leafs fans,
I’m a Bruins fan and Bostonian. I’ve come here not to gloat but to offer words of comfort. I know, this probably sounds like B.S. but hear me out.
A lot of feelings and images surged through my brain when the horn sound and the red light flashed in OT last night.
Milan Lucic scoring the Bruins’ third goal with less than 90s second left in regulation and, defiant as ever, yelling obscenities as he embraced his line mates and tried to rally the troops.
The normally reserved Patrice Bergeron skating to center ice in jubilation after scoring the game-tying goal with less than a minute left, completing the Bruins’ furious rally.
Tuukka Rask, yet another big play, stonewalling Mattin Frattin’s breakaway with four minutes left, which would have iced the win for the Leafs.
And of course, Bergeron swooping in for the game winning goal in OT.
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The Colorado Eagles play hockey in a double-A minor league called the ECHL. I would tell you what those initials stand for, but I can’t because they don’t stand for anything. Except I will because they used to stand for something—the East Coast Hockey League. Now they just call it the ECHL (which I presume is pronounced “Etchel”) because they really have nothing to do with the East Coast. The Colorado Eagles play in the Mountain Division of the All-Over-the-Place Etchel Hockey League, along with the Alaska Aces, Idaho Steelheads, and Utah Grizzlies—all teams that are definitely more Etchel than East Coast.
I attended a game Friday with friends Carrie and Curtis, as well as my eight-year-old son Joel. The Eagles lost 6-5 to the Fort Wayne Komets-With-a-K, who play in the North Division of the All-Over-the-Place Etchel Hockey League. The Komets-With-a-K are unique in professional sports in that their mascot doubles as a logo for laundry detergent.
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