Archive for Boston

| May 14, 2013
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It Gets Better: An Open Letter To Maple Leafs Fans From a Longtime Boston Sports Sufferer

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Dear Maple Leafs fans,

I’m a Bruins fan and Bostonian. I’ve come here not to gloat but to offer words of comfort. I know, this probably sounds like B.S. but hear me out.

A lot of feelings and images surged through my brain when the horn sound and the red light flashed in OT last night.

Milan Lucic scoring the Bruins’ third goal with less than 90s second left in regulation and, defiant as ever, yelling obscenities as he embraced his line mates and tried to rally the troops.

The normally reserved Patrice Bergeron skating to center ice in jubilation after scoring the game-tying goal with less than a minute left, completing the Bruins’ furious rally.

Tuukka Rask, yet another big play, stonewalling Mattin Frattin’s breakaway with four minutes left, which would have iced the win for the Leafs.

And of course, Bergeron swooping in for the game winning goal in OT.

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Category: Boston, Hockey, Toronto | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
| April 17, 2013
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Striving for ‘Normalcy’ in Boston

When the news reached me about the Boston Marathon tragedy, I was running errands and getting my hair cut—just a normal Monday off. The lady in the chair next to me was babbling about how her new downtown loft apartment manager wanted to ‘interview’ her dog to approve him before she and her husband could sign the lease, and if they couldn’t meet Sugar in person, that they could do it over Skype. Yes, this is the norm in this upscale community. I shook my head. I don’t think I’ll ever fit in in Scottsdale, Arizona.

533744_10151412375187643_68249364_nOut of the corner of my ear, I heard someone say, “There’s been a bombing at the Boston Marathon,” and immediately I whipped out that sleek extension of my body—my iPhone—to find out what was going on, “back home.” The first thought that went through my head, was, “How bad is it and are my friends running in it okay’?” The second thought that went through my head was “I wonder if there will still be a game tomorrow night.”

It seemed odd to me at the time—maybe even a bit insensitive—that baseball would be in the forefront of my mind during a time of tragedy. But now I understand. When we go through tough times, especially where there are no answers, the ‘norm’ is comforting. To the people of Massachusetts, and the surrounding states (such as New Hampshire, where I grew up), Boston is home, and the Red Sox are “home.” The Boston community pulled together within hours to deal with the tragedy. And when I say the Boston community, I mean the Boston with the big ‘B’ in the Olde English-style typeface.

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Category: Baseball, Boston, New York City, Red Sox, Tigers, Yankees | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
| February 21, 2013
3 comments

Who! Sucks! More! Lakers or Celtics?

CELTSLAKERS

The Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles (by way of Minneapolis) Lakers are certainly the two most-hated franchises in the NBA. Why? They’ve won a combined 52% of all NBA championships ever.

Suddenly, it looks bleak for both aging rosters. And to the delight of Celtics and Lakers haters everywhere, let’s play WHO! SUCKS! MORE! not just this year, but for the long-term.

For our grading system, the higher the grade, the more they suck.

I'll just hang out in street clothes, thanks. This is a train wreck.

I’ll just hang out in street clothes, thanks. This is a train wreck.

INJURIES:

The Lakers will get Gasol and his Euro-foot back soon. The Celtics won’t be seeing Rondo, Sullinger, or Barbosa for the rest of the season. Those Sullinger red flags coming true sends chills down the spines of all Celtics fans. He was playing great basketball. Lakers Suckage: B-, Celtics Suckage: A+

ROSTER AGE:

Both teams have huge issues here. They both actually have a lot of youth infused on the bench, but because of injuries, Boston’s bench is essentially starting. There are two “really” old guys left in Pierce and KG. For the Lakers, if you take away Dwight Howard, the average age of their starters is just a shade under 35 years. Steve Nash is a slow-moving fossil who can’t get around any PG unless he hooks him. The problem for Boston is that there is no one to fill the void of scoring once the marquis starters are put out to pasture except Jeff Green, whose heart may explode at any moment. (Note: BTBNL does not want Jeff Green’s heart to explode.) Lakers Suckage: A, Celtics Suckage: A+

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Category: Basketball, Boston, Celtics, Jeremy W. Soule, Lakers, Los Angeles | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
| January 23, 2013
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Today’s Top Ten Bypassed Washington Post Sports Polls

The Washington Post covers a political town and naturally loves to conduct polls. In today’s edition, the Post published a poll on American’s views of Lance Armstrong following his interview with Oprah Winfrey. Shockingly, support for Lance has plummeted. (I hope you were sitting down for that revelation, even if you already knew that Lance Is a Bad Person.) Only 30% of Americans–all of whom are assholes–now think that Armstrong should get credit for his accomplishments and 51% say he should not.

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This is hard hitting sports polling at its best, folks. With Lance’s personality and interview skills, you would have thought America would have been eating out of the palm of his hand. (Oh wait, Lance DID think that.)

Amazingly, a BTBNL exclusive investigation reveals that the Post actually passed on publishing ten other much more interesting–but no less obvious–polls:

teo1. “Football Fans Say Chances for Pats Super Bowl Win Have Declined Markedly”

2. “Most Internet Girlfriends Feel Te’o Should Have At Least Watched Video Stream of Fake Funeral”

3. “Majority of Notre Dame Fans Believe National Title Game Loss the Greater Hoax”

ray-lewis-again4. “Ray Lewis Supporters Relieved Falcons’ Loss Lessens Chance of Second Murderous Super Bowl Rage”

5. “100% of Raiders Fans Believe Anything”

6. “Lakers Nudge Out Kardashians as LA’s Most Dysfunctional Family”

7. “Anonymous Survey Says Baseball Players Lean Toward Bull Testosterone to Replace HGH”

roger-goodell-8d27af0f4dd3e82b8. “After Peyton Reinstatement, Strong Majority of Saints’ Fans Would Still Tell Commissioner to Fuck Off”

9. “NHL Just Misses 100% Opening Night Sell Out Because One Hockey Fan Had Flu”

10. “90% of Non-Patriots Fans Would Have Blow Off Watching Post-Game Interview with Belichek Anyway”

Category: Baltimore Ravens, Baseball, Bloggers To Be Named Later, Boston, Fandom, Hockey, Jeff Waggett, Lakers, Los Angeles, Patriots, Washington DC | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
| September 18, 2012
2 comments

BTBNL Aptitude Quiz

Recent events have made it necessary to require an aptitude test for BTBNL readers.  Please take this self-graded quiz to determine whether you should be allowed to raise children.

Question 1.   The collapse of the 2011 Red Sox was the fault of:

A. Barack Obama (1 pt)

B.  Bobby Valentine (2 pts)

C.  Fried chicken (3 pts)

D.  None of the above (4 pts)

 

Question 2.  Kevin Youkilis got traded because of:

A. Barack Obama (1 pt)

B. Bobby Valentine (2 pts)

C. Jacoby Ellsbury’s ribs (3 pts)

D.  None of the above (4 pts)

 

Question 3.  This one time, Harvard-graduate and son of Michigan governor, Mitt Romney had to eat canned tuna fish off of an ironing board because of:

A. Barack Obama (1 pt)

B.  Bobby Valentine  (2 pts)

C.  Solyndra (3 pts)

D.  None of the above  (4 pts)

 

Question 5.  This one time, Harvard-educated Barack Obama had to drive a car with a rusted hole in it because of:

A. George W. Bush (1 pt)

B. Bobby Valentine (2 pts)

C. Big Banks (3 pts)

D. None of the above (4 pts)

 

Question 5.  We have a multi-trillion dollar national debt because of:

A. Barack Obama (1 pt)

B. Bobby Valentine (2 pts)

C. Replacement referees (3 pts)

D. None of the above (4 pts)

 

Question 6.  The Red Sox have a sub-.500 record because of:

A.  Mitt Romney (1 pt)

B.  Bobby Valentine (2 pts)

C.  Alex Rodriguez (3 pts)

D.  None of the above (4 pts)

 

Question 7.  Outfielders Carl Crawford, Jacoby Ellsbury, Cody Ross, Daniel Nava, Fred Lynn, Dwight Evans, Ellis Burks, Dustin Pedroia’s wife, Curt Schilling’s avatar, and Larry Lucchino’s blackened soul all spent time on the DL because of:

A.  Barack Obama (1 pt)

B.  Bobby Valentine (2 pts)

C.  Wendel Kim (3 pts)

D.  None of the above (4 pts)

 

Question 8.  The Red Sox traded Josh Beckett and Adrian Gonzalez because of:

A.  Barack Obama (1 pt)

B.  Bobby Valentine (2 pts)

C.  Nick Punto (3 pts)

D.  None of the above (4 pts)

 

Question 9.  Upheaval in the middle east is the fault of:

A.  Barack Obama (1 pt)

B.  Bobby Valentine (2 pts)

C.  Terry Francona’s fictional pain killer habit (3 pts)

D.  None of the above (4 pts)

 

Question 10.  Everything is the fault of:  

A. Barack Obama (1 pt)

B. Bobby Valentine (2 pts)

C. Bill Buckner and/or Ray Allen (3 pts)

D. None of the above (4 pts)

 

Scoring Key:

1-12 points:  You are too ignorant to operate cutlery, much less a vehicle.

13-39 points:  You are getting your news from WEEI, which puts you in the same category as those who scored 1-12 points.

40 points:  Procreate at will!

Category: Baseball, Boston, Jon Langlois | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
| July 23, 2012
9 comments

Who should be more depressed, Phillies fans or Red Sox fans?

It’s just past the unofficial midpoint of the Major League Baseball season and two early-season favorites, the Phillies and the Red Sox, are mired in average or worse seasons. BTBNL representatives from both teams’ fan bases argue over who should be more depressed.

Paul: Clearly, the facts show that this season has been more depressing for Phillies fans. With a payroll the size of the Pentagon’s annual budget and a roster loaded with underperforming former All Stars, the Phils are double-digit games under .500—their worst record since 2002—and in last place in a division that includes made-up teams like the Miami Marlins and the Washington Nationals. We’ve traded fan favorite Jim Thome, and we’re about to trade my personal favorite player from the 2008 World Series, Shane Victorino. Cliff Lee’s win total has been quadrupled in the first half by Charlie Furbush. And Charlie Furbush is a name that some 8th grader made up as a practical joke for his middle school yearbook.

Jeremy: What?! The answer is me. ME should be more depressed!

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Category: Baseball, Boston, Jeremy W. Soule, Paul Caputo, Philadelphia, Phillies, Red Sox | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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