A Failure In His Mother’s Eyes

Today is the last day as NBA Commissioner for little David Joel Stern, a nice Jewish boy from Teaneck, New Jersey. He earned a liberal arts degree from a public university before finally getting into an Ivy League school (but only Columbia, not Harvard or Yale).

In 1984, Stern took over as NBA Commissioner, but nobody cared because Michael Jordan entered the league that year too, along with Olajuwon, Barkley, and Stockton. During his tenure, he would add seven franchises, lock out the players four times, fix the 1985 draft lottery so the Knicks could get Patrick Ewing, adopt a dress code that no less an expert than Alan Iverson considered racist, try to introduce a new ball made out of flubber, keep Chris Paul for himself instead of injecting himself into the Kardashian family by trading for Lamar Odom, fine Mark Cuban the GDP of a European Union nation, and create a new league specifically for tall women.

But somewhere out there, you can bet his mother is crying, thinking, If only he’d been a doctor….

  • Paul Caputo

    The best thing about David Stern was his vocabulary. He famously called the discussion surrounding a Robert Horry suspension “palaver” on the Dan Patrick Show.

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